Don't be a special ed. teacher for the gratitude

So today I get a letter in my mailbox asking for volunteers for mentors. So I figure, this is a good way to be involved. I'll be a mentor. So I ask the guidance counselor, and she says, "No, the students will come ask you." Well, I am a new teacher. Who the heck is going to ask me? What about 6th graders who don't know anyone? Sigh. So much for volunteering.

So I get a different memo for all math teachers. Each person has their name and what time they should be somewhere. It lists all the math teachers except me. Then at the bottom it says, "All resource room teachers." Gee thanks. And the time I am supposed to go is the time I don't even have students. So they modify the memo and take out the resource room thing altogether. So now I don't have ANY time. So basically, I am just an oversight and an afterthought. It is just so frustrating! And kids and parents are always saying they want to get OUT of your class. It is always the place people want to get away from. I know you aren't supposed to take it personally, but it takes a toll.

On top of that, Heather is a new RR teacher, just like me. I can't tell if she is a really great teacher and I should be jealous or a really huge wacko and I should try to save her. It is her first year teaching. Yesterday, she ate a live worm for her class. I thought this was annoying because I despise attention whores on any level. But hey, she got their attention. So today, one of the teachers in our section basically told her not to do anything else that was "stupid" b/c she was fielding calls about "the incident" from other units all night. So apparrently they different units are battling against each other and it is the freakin Jets vs. the Sharks here or something. That left a really bad taste in my mouth.

Even though things are getting better, I am still always wondering if I made the right decision. The grass is always greener right?

Administration: Barnegat wins in a landslide
Schedule: Brick. I am so bummed I would have had the last 2 off this year.
Friends: While I only had a few in Brick, I have even fewer in Barnegat. Edge to Brick.
$: Brick. I would be making more this year.
Travel: Def. Barnegat
Unit Time: Brick. B-A-G-E-L-S. Enough said.
Culture: I am sad to say it but I miss the strict regimen of Brick.
Experience: I would be one year closer to tenure if I had stayed. Brick.

I guess it is just really hard to try to work on a reputation in this atmosphere.


I suppose it is currently at Barnegat 2, Brick 6
Yikes.
That's depressing. I'd better try to see things in a different light to even the score.

Well, Kathy Campbell is def. a -1 for Brick. And the fact that I don't have to go to any PTA meetings or band concerts is another bonus for Barnegat.

So I will leave with the score Barnegat 4, Brick 5.

Better, but I am still working on it.

Grad School App

My second grade class was anything but ordinary. Mrs. Topoleski wouldn't let it be. Even though the rest of the world looked at us like we were little kids, in that class we knew that we could think big, dream big and do big things. While other classrooms' bulletin boards boasted paper hearts and cut-out letters, ours came alive with wires, motors and batteries. Even the big sixth graders looked at us enviously as we launched our self-made rockets high into the sky while they were stuck with the usual recess.
I currently have what I consider to be an ordinary job. I work hard and I do my best, but I am not passionate about it. Unfortunately I never see it becoming anything but ordinary for me. After a year and a half here I have learned a lot, but also realized I am just existing without making any type of impression. I am sure this job is perfect for someone, but at this point, I can say with certainty that that person is not me.
I cannot express how happy I was to find out there was a program like this one. I have always loved learning at a fast pace. I completed my Bachelor's Degree a semester early because I loved the accelerated pace, the heavy course loads and the pressure of getting it all done. This program at Georgian Court allows me to keep the fast pace I thrive off of while reaching my goal of becoming a teacher the most efficiently. After obtaining a liberal arts degreeing and working in a corporate atmosphere, I feel adequately rate to place a large emphasis on a highly concentrated education program.
I have always loved the classroom setting. I can remember begging my mom to let me go to school even though I had strep throat. After graduating college, I missed having the opportunity to practice complex equations and discuss world literature all within the a two-hour time frame. I long for that feeling of switching gears, learning new things and meeting new people who feel the same way. I sincerely look forward to going back to the classroom as a student, and hopefully one day as a teacher with students of my own.
Everyone remembers certain teachers, be it the third grade teacher who gave you the secret behind memorizing multiplication tables, the high school teacher who coached you to the soccer championships, or the professor who helped you get through your first year away from home. Regardless of how long ago it was, how far you now are from your alma matter, or what friends you lost touch with, you will always have the memories of that one teacher who refused to just be ordinary. I hope I can one day be that teacher.

Sleepy

I am sitting at my desk literally falling asleep. There are many things that could be contributing to this, namely the fact that i was up late wrapping Christmas presents and packing, i had the nutritious breakfast of Christmas cookies for breakfast (i swore i was only gonna have 2, but that of course turned into 4), or that i have my space heater blasting on me to approximately the temperature of hell.
I basically lost it on Thursday. dave and i have been arguing (well if u can call it that) so much since we got daisy and she kept biting me, particularly in my face and i just started crying. keep in mind this was after staying at work late to finish something we didnt even go over yet. and unfortunately i cant say i feel much better now. daisy is actually getting worse with the house training. i am hoping to get some answers at the vet today.
we are leaving for the cruise on monday and it will be such a relief to get away. however, i know i will be worrying about daisy a ton. and it sucks to go at this time of year since it is christmas time and i like this time of year, but i reeeallly need to get away. at least just to have a week without daisy will be a relief. i know it sounds mean, but i just need a break from watching her 24/7. i never want to get a puppy again. gimme a year old anyday.
another thing that really annoys me is last night dave said he doesnt want to do the cave tubing through the rainforest in belize. when i asked why he said bc he didnt want to take off his shirt for that long. i am so peeved thinking we paid all this $ for a cruise and we have one chance to go through a rainforest for crying out loud and we have to pass the opportunity bc he is feeling self conscious about weight. i mean, i get it but this is a once in a lifetime opportunity.

oh well, here's to staying awake.

Pounding

I have a rotten headache for the second day in a row. My head is really pounding, hence the title of this post. I was on the phone with Verizon this morning for about 2 hours trying to get a phone line for tivo and i just started crying i was so frustrated. i feel so spent - like i have so much to do/worry about. daisy is better but she is still driving me nuts in that i have to watch her every five seconds. this morning i put the baby gate up in the living room and ran up to take a quick shower. when i come back down there is a little opening in the gate and daisy comes out of teh cat room with litter all over her face and the poop that was in the box is no longer there. yuck. she has her second training session (well second with this guy anyway) tomorrow. more stuff to do. i havent exercised in sooo long. well basically since we got daisy and that has been a month. i am going to be HUUGE. 40 more minutes of work and then i can go home to the chaos there.

Zesty Girl

So i am sort of annoyed right now bc i got a PM from Adam asking me not to talk about "some girl" sleeping with stephan, ie claire. I guess i am the most annoyed bc i hate getting so-called reprimanded for anything. And if she is so willing to brag to everyone about it, what is wrong with passing the story along or telling people what i have seen? Bah.
I have this dumb wedding this weekend. The new place is a mess, the old place is an even bigger mess but because of the wedding i won't be able to work on any of it. I cant wait til the cruise. i just want to escape everything. it is so hard to get anything done because i have to constantly watch daisy. i am just feeling overwhelmed. and i still dont feel like i spend enough time with her. i just dont want to fail her. some lady accusingly asked me who watches my dog while i am at work. that doesnt help the guilt factor. But what am i supposed to do, quit my job. We are so broke right now. The thought of all the money we need to spend on Xmas and the cruise is nauseating. I dont know how we are going to recover. Ahh. At least today is Friday I guess. Thanksgiving would be good but then there is daisy to worry about and dave has to go back to work, etc. at least i will have a couple days off of work. i wish i could take a nap. i dont want to be here.

Mothers

I have such a new found respect for mothers. I can't imagine being one in fact. We have had Daisy for a little over a week and it has just been crazy. I got an English Bulldog because, well because i think they are adorable, but because they are supposed to be very mellow and loving. well, daisy has two speeds, sleep and psycho. i have teeth marks on my lip from where she chomped down on me yesterday. tonight i am paying someone $95 to train her for one hour. I hope it does something. I am worrying about her non-stop. What if i fail her? what if she is just a crazy dog that bites everyone and pees everywhere and it is all my fault because i didnt raise her right? how can i ever actually raise a child if i am having so much trouble with a dog? i am hoping that when we move this week things will become easier and i really hope this lady tonight helps give me some idea of what i am supposed to be doing. i found 2 ladybugs yesterday, one in the car and one in the bedroom so i hope that symbolizes good luck. there is absolutely nothing going on at work. there is nothing for us to do. which scares the hell out of me, particularly because i spent about $7,000 last week (ug it still makes me want to barf just thinking about it!) but then who knows, i have often been looking for a way out of this job and getting laid off could be it. but, hey i digress. and while i am on the topic of mothers, i got a cal from kahmil's mom today. it has been almost a year since i have last seen him and i tried calling them and writing them letters and i finally accepted that they never wanted to speak to me again but then she calls me today and says she is glad i was so persistent. does that make me some kind of stalker? things are going to be really hectic the next couple of weeks (this weekend moving, next weekend tiffany's wedding, following weekend thanksgiving) but i would really like to go up there. i would like to bring daisy too and i would if i wasnt so afraid of her eating him or peeing all over their beautiful house. ah well, here's to hoping tonight goes well for my little monster.

LISTENING TO : VANESSA CARLTON - AFTERGLOW