Pounding

I have a rotten headache for the second day in a row. My head is really pounding, hence the title of this post. I was on the phone with Verizon this morning for about 2 hours trying to get a phone line for tivo and i just started crying i was so frustrated. i feel so spent - like i have so much to do/worry about. daisy is better but she is still driving me nuts in that i have to watch her every five seconds. this morning i put the baby gate up in the living room and ran up to take a quick shower. when i come back down there is a little opening in the gate and daisy comes out of teh cat room with litter all over her face and the poop that was in the box is no longer there. yuck. she has her second training session (well second with this guy anyway) tomorrow. more stuff to do. i havent exercised in sooo long. well basically since we got daisy and that has been a month. i am going to be HUUGE. 40 more minutes of work and then i can go home to the chaos there.

Zesty Girl

So i am sort of annoyed right now bc i got a PM from Adam asking me not to talk about "some girl" sleeping with stephan, ie claire. I guess i am the most annoyed bc i hate getting so-called reprimanded for anything. And if she is so willing to brag to everyone about it, what is wrong with passing the story along or telling people what i have seen? Bah.
I have this dumb wedding this weekend. The new place is a mess, the old place is an even bigger mess but because of the wedding i won't be able to work on any of it. I cant wait til the cruise. i just want to escape everything. it is so hard to get anything done because i have to constantly watch daisy. i am just feeling overwhelmed. and i still dont feel like i spend enough time with her. i just dont want to fail her. some lady accusingly asked me who watches my dog while i am at work. that doesnt help the guilt factor. But what am i supposed to do, quit my job. We are so broke right now. The thought of all the money we need to spend on Xmas and the cruise is nauseating. I dont know how we are going to recover. Ahh. At least today is Friday I guess. Thanksgiving would be good but then there is daisy to worry about and dave has to go back to work, etc. at least i will have a couple days off of work. i wish i could take a nap. i dont want to be here.

Mothers

I have such a new found respect for mothers. I can't imagine being one in fact. We have had Daisy for a little over a week and it has just been crazy. I got an English Bulldog because, well because i think they are adorable, but because they are supposed to be very mellow and loving. well, daisy has two speeds, sleep and psycho. i have teeth marks on my lip from where she chomped down on me yesterday. tonight i am paying someone $95 to train her for one hour. I hope it does something. I am worrying about her non-stop. What if i fail her? what if she is just a crazy dog that bites everyone and pees everywhere and it is all my fault because i didnt raise her right? how can i ever actually raise a child if i am having so much trouble with a dog? i am hoping that when we move this week things will become easier and i really hope this lady tonight helps give me some idea of what i am supposed to be doing. i found 2 ladybugs yesterday, one in the car and one in the bedroom so i hope that symbolizes good luck. there is absolutely nothing going on at work. there is nothing for us to do. which scares the hell out of me, particularly because i spent about $7,000 last week (ug it still makes me want to barf just thinking about it!) but then who knows, i have often been looking for a way out of this job and getting laid off could be it. but, hey i digress. and while i am on the topic of mothers, i got a cal from kahmil's mom today. it has been almost a year since i have last seen him and i tried calling them and writing them letters and i finally accepted that they never wanted to speak to me again but then she calls me today and says she is glad i was so persistent. does that make me some kind of stalker? things are going to be really hectic the next couple of weeks (this weekend moving, next weekend tiffany's wedding, following weekend thanksgiving) but i would really like to go up there. i would like to bring daisy too and i would if i wasnt so afraid of her eating him or peeing all over their beautiful house. ah well, here's to hoping tonight goes well for my little monster.

LISTENING TO : VANESSA CARLTON - AFTERGLOW